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Forgiven

One time during a yoga class, I felt flooded with guilt. Guilt that I had ended a long and meaningful relationship poorly, and had upset and angered so many people. I felt guilty for the pain I had caused, guilty for some of my choices and actions.

As I moved through the class, anger came. I was angry at the people who had cut me off, for the injustices I had suffered in the relationship for years, angry for being misunderstood and blamed even for things that I didn’t do or weren’t my fault.

And then it hit me. I desperately wanted forgiveness. I wanted it from everyone. But the one person I had to get it from first was myself. I had never forgiven myself. So there I was, back with the guilt that had bubbled up at the beginning of the class.

At that moment, I decided that I deserved to be forgiven. I spent the next 45min of the class saying to myself ‘I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you’, as tears silently streamed down my face, and the vinyasa flowed.

I left that class reborn. Forgiven. And the guilt and negative self-talk around this issue have never returned.

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